Today is my sister and brother-in-law's 36th wedding anniversary. They're planning a nice dinner date to celebrate. Dave and I were married 35 years ago last March 13, but there was no nice dinner date to celebrate. Hell, he didn't even know what day of the week it was, let alone our anniversary.
This is the part of Alzheimer's that I HATE, HATE, HATE! No more anniversary dinners, no more birthday celebrations, no more life. There are certain things that Dave used to do for me that I have gotten used to doing myself. Things like pumping gas, picking up the dog poop, doing the dishes after I cooked the meal, you know, just stuff. But the LIFE experiences like birthdays and anniversaries, they are just too painful to loose. Bust lost they are. I can't dwell on it or I would go insane, but I do think about it.
I have gone from being Daves' wife and partner, to being his mom. "What day is today" "what time is it" "who's that lady sitting on the porch". These are questions I get 100 times every day. And did I tell you how demanding he has become? All of you know Dave, and most have known him a long time. Is demanding a word you would ever use to describe him? Well, I guess it's not him, and that's the reason I cry everyday. I miss him so much! I don't know the person that lives in the house whom I call Dave. He doesn't exist. Sigh......
Well, tomorrow's another day (crap)! Hope everyone has a great day!
~Di
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