Grief

My dear, dear friend Joe lost his beloved wife Mary Ann in the wee hours this morning. Her Alzheimer's journey is over, and I'm left with the inevitable slap in the face that that Dave will travel the same painful road as Mary Ann. Damn it!! I hate this fucking disease. :((

Saturday night fun

Well, my company Christmas party is tonight. When I left for work this morning, Dave was really looking forward to it. I'm a little stressed by it because I'm like a protective mama bear where he's concerned. Not everyone I work with knows that he has Alzheimer's, and a few of the ones that do are a little freaked out by it. Oh well, it will be what it will be, and we're planning on having fun!

We had our 6 month check up with Dr. Strahman on Thursday. We love Dr. Matt (as he calls himself). Dave still has Alzheimer's, (duh!)and has not progressed much since the last visit, but Dr. Matt did say that he's progressed quite a bit from our first visit 18 months ago. I told him about the anger issues, and he's reluctant to prescribe Seroquel at this point. That's fine with me, I think he's over medicated anyway. He advised if it gets out of control to call him, and I will.

Dr. Cingolani (cardiologist) wants to start Dave on coumadin, which is a blood thinner. The problem is, he has to go to the coumadin clinic once a week for 2-3 months so they can watch and adjust the dosage till they get it exactly right. The thought of having to drive to LA every Monday for 2-3 months is not appealing to me in the least. I was talking to Dr. Matt about it, and he agrees with Dr. Cingolani that he needs to be on coumadin because of the A-Fib and aneurysm. He did a little detective work and discovered that our shiny new VA clinic in Oxnard can do the weekly testing, and it's only 5 minutes away. Now that's do-able! See why I love Dr. Matt? :)

Well, not much else going on, it wasn't a terrible week, thank God! That's it from me, I wish you all love, happiness and health! See ya next time in the blogosphere! Love ya!

Having a crappy Sunday

Okay, it's only 9:00 in the morning, and I want to go to bed. Not sure what's going on, but on a scale of 1 - 10, Dave's anger level is a solid 7. Every time I open my mouth, he jumps down my throat. I think this is as bad as I've seen it. Since the anger is all directed at me, Matt invited him to go grocery shopping with him so I could catch a break. I've been sitting here crying, and just decided to vent here. I hope nobody reads this, and if they do, I hope you don't care that I'm venting. The anger issue has surfaced from time to time, but never like this. I think I may go out and do a little Christmas shopping alone this afternoon. Matt's taking the kids to the mall to see Santa, and Dave can just have some alone time. He's absolutely not fit ifor human consumption. Gotta go....love you all!

You asked for it.....

Hi all! Hope this finds you all well. Things have been pretty chaotic in our house the past couple of months. The newest member of our family came roaring in on October 30th. Our beautiful Addiena Elizabeth Vail is finally here, and completely healthy! :) I love that they honored my mom by using her name, Elizabeth, as a middle name! We call her Addie, her name is pronounced Addi-yana and is Celtic meaning beautiful one. She's gorgeous!

Dave continues his daily struggle with this fucking disease. Eating seems to be the big thing he's going through right now. Our dining out days are probably about at their end. He really enjoys going out to dinner, but it is so stressful for me. He does the wackiest things when we're in a restaurant, I swear! Last Thursday we went to Yolanda's - his favorite - and when they brought his soup, it was apparently invisible, because he couldn't see it on the table. When his food came, 2 tacos, beans and rice, he picked up his spoon and started stirring it together. Tacos were flying everywhere! When I asked him why he was doing that, he told me "the soup is hot, I'm trying to cool it down". Then the food kept falling off his fork and landing in his lap. If it weren't so sad, it would probably be funny.

His sleep pattern has changed, also. He used to always get up with me at 5:30, make the coffee while I showered, and then we'd watch the news together. He's sleeping until 8:30 or 9:00 now, so I miss the morning routine. I guess in the grand scheme of things, that's not so bad. He had a visit with his General Practioner last week. Dr. Paulus is no longer his doc, and his new doc is a lady named Dr. Barker. He told her he's never had a lady doctor before, and she told him he'll enjoy his prostate exams much more now. I like that she has a sense of humor. As Dave has trouble with changes, I asked her if she was planning to stick around for awhile, and she assured me she wasn't going anywhere. She spent quite a bit of time with us, asked lots of questions so she could get to know Dave. She was surprised that he's been diagnosed with Alzheimer's because of his age. I told her of how many people in my support group have husbands in their 50's and 60's who've been diagnosed. My friend Lynne's husband Ian is only 51!!!

We have a nuerology appointment next Thursday in the Valley, and I'm going to talk to Dr. Strahman about the anit-depressant and Namenda he's taking. I'd like to maybe get him off both of these if it's at all possible. I really struggle with the amount of meds he takes. I get the ones he takes for health issues (his heart, blood pressure and cholesterol) but these other 2 don't make sense to me. He seems over-medicated to me most of the time, and I really think it's the anti-depressant. He has Alzheimer's at age 64 for Chrissakes! Who wouldn't be depressed? I'll let you know what happens with that. His confussion has really escalated in the past several months, and it's frustrating for him. He can't remember what day, month or year it is, and last week Jimmy Carter was President. Holy Crap!

Well, that's about all the time I have for blogging today. Thanks for stopping by, and I'll see ya all in the blogosphere! I wish you all love, health and happiness!

Okay, okay

Many of my friends and family have informed me that they miss my blog. This is to let you know hat I will re-start my blog this Saturday, 12/5/09. So much has been going on, I have just not been able to express it, but several things have happened lately so I feel I must. Stay tuned, and watch for a new blog on Saturday. See ya all in the blogosphere! Love you all!

Greetings from Diane's Boring Life!

Sorry I haven't been blogging much, but on a good note, there hasn't been that much to blog about. Things are okay!

Dave continues his struggle with this horrible disease. He is aware of the things that are happening to him, and everytime he has an "Alzheimer's moment", he recognizes it and makes some silly comment. I'm glad he keeps his sense of humor. I think sometimes people think we're nuts, but it's how we're surviving. For example, last Monday we were at the grocery store, trying to have a conversation, and Dave replied to a question with something completely off topic and very inappropriate. I asked him if he needed cereal for breakfast, and his response was "why don't we get naked and do it". It took me so by surprised that I starting laughing my ass off, which started him laughing his ass off (although he didn't know why he was laughing his ass off) and some lady started staring at us and Dave says "it's okay, I have Alzheimer's" like some badge of honor. I was laughing so hard I had tears. Later on that night when I was thinking about it, I had tears again, but not from laughing. This behavior is so "un-Dave like" it makes me sad.

No doctors' appointments recently, thank God. We'll probably have a cardiology appointment soon, but nothing scheduled. Since we've decided not have open heart surgery, I think we're both sleeping better. One less thing to worry about, you know?

On to happier thoughts...on October 17th I'm taking the day off (Saturday) and going to the Rose Bowl to tailgate and watch the UCLA - Cal game with my friend Shain. It's going to be so much fun! I wish Dave could go, but he doesn't do well in crowds like that. Still waiting for the Dodgers to clinch their damn division over the Rockies, but why do it now when you have 1 more day to play! Matt and I are totally stoked about the Monday night football game. We can't wait to see our Green Bay Packers kick some Viking ass in Lambeau Field! Woo-hoo!!!! During half time they are inviting fans to bring all their old Brett Favre shit down to the parking lot, and they going to torch it with a big bonfire! Awesome!

The grandkids are all doing okay. Dylan is finally not crying everyday when Heather drops him at Kindergarten. Dom's enjoying High School life at St. Bonnie's, all the rest are okay. Joey's playing football on the Hueneme Rhino's in the Pee Wee Division. I'm missing his first game today :(( Rhi is playing Volleyball in her school league and doing well, and Dom made the Freshman Football team as a starter!

If any of you are the praying type, I have 2 requests. My good friend Nancy has a beautiful grandaughter Krissy, who is in dire need of a heart transplant (her third!!) She has been in ICU for over 7 weeks now. They found her a heart last Tuesday, but upon visual examination, her surgeon decided not to transplant. We were all so disappointed! She desperately needs your prayers. The second request is for my dear, dear friend Jen Canton. She was thrown from her horse and suffered devastating breaks to both of her arms and all of her fingers. Her left elbow was so totally shattered, they may have to amputate because it can't be fixed. Same with the thumb on her right hand. Although she's home now, she is in excruciating pain 24/7. Thank God her daughter Ariel is there for her. If you pray, please remember both of these women in your prayers. Thanks!

Well, I guess that's it for this installment of Diane's boring life! Thanks for reading, post a comment if you want. Continued wishes for love, health and hapiness for all of you! See ya in the blogosphere! Love you all!

Progressing....

Hi everyone! I hope this finds you all well. Things are sailing along at the Vails. Tomorrow (Sunday) we are celebrating our 3 birthdays with another family bbq. We've actually been having these bbq's every Sunday, all the kids and grandkids, for several weeks. It's becoming increasingly important to me to have the family around as much as possible. Although it tends to be a little hard on Dave with so many people there, he needs them. He usually sleeps through most of the afternoon, and I wake him up before dinner.

His memory is getting really frightful. He's been mixing the grandkids names up for several months, but now he can't come up with Steve or Matt's name, either. Everytime this happens, I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. It's just a blatant reminder of what this disease is doing to him. I HATE IT!!!!! I'm not sure how much longer he's going to know who I am. He knows that I'm his wife, but I'm not sure he could get my name every time.

Anyway, the importance of having the family around is as much for them as it is for Dave. 2 Sundays ago, after the first of the now standard Sunday family dinners, Steve's wife Debbie called me when they got home. She was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said "I had no idea how far Dave's Alzheimer's had progressed. It breaks my heart". When you only spend 5 or 10 minutes with him, how could you know? Then she asked "what are we going to do"? and I told her that honestly, I just don't know. We discussed her coming over during the week and spending time and making lunch for him, and she's more than willing to do that. As far as long term...I really don't know.

After his diagnosis, but before the Alzheimers really took over, we talked about what Dave wants for himself, and his wishes are very clear with me. I will do my best to honor them, but it will be difficult. That, however, is mine to keep, and I'm not comfortable sharing our conversations about the subject at this time. Thanks for understanding. I'm checking into Adult Day Care Centers, and am finding they are quite expensive. (averaging about $50 a day) Obviously I can't afford to send him every day, but I might be able to swing 1 or 2 days a week, I'm not sure.

I'm reading a book by Nancy Davis called "The Long Goodbye". If you've not heard of it, it's her and her mom's memories of what it was like living with Ronald Reagan after he was diagnosed with Alzheimers, and how they processed their pain and grief. Of course she glosses over much of the details, because who wants to read about changing the President of the United States diapers, right? Nancy Reagan coined the term 'the long goodbye' because that's what all of us with an Alzheimers loved one, do. When we got the Alzheimers diagnosis, we knew what the eventuality of the disease is. It's a terminal disease with no cure. Pretty cut and dried. The difference between Alz and cancer is, the doctors can pretty much gage your life expectancy with cancer. There's absolutely no way to do that with Alzheimers. Dave can languish in a near coma for years, as Ronald Reagan did. And there's the heart break.

On a happier note, all the grandkids are safely back in school for the 2009/2010 session. Dom of course started high school at St. Bonnie's (go Seraphs!), Rhiannon is in 6th grade and Joey is in 3rd, both at St. Anthony's, and Chris is in 1st and Dylan started kindergarten, both at Somis elementary. Believe it or not, they were all looking forward to going back to school. I guess it was a long, boring summer.

Well that's my story from the blogosphere, and I'm sticking to it. I wish you all continued health, happiness and much love! Thanks for stopping by, post a comment if you like! Love you all!

On getting old......

Came across this and thought it was hilarious! It's George Carlin. Enjoy!!!

Do you realise that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about ageing that you think in fractions.

'How old are you?' 'I'm four and a half!' You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five! That's the key

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back. You jump to the next number, or even a few ahead.

'How old are you?' 'I'm gonna be 16!' You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16! And then the greatest day of your life .... . You become 21. Even the words sound like a ceremony. YOU BECOME 21. YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30. Oooohh, what happened there? Makes you sound like bad milk! He TURNED; we had to throw him out. There's no fun now, you're Just a sour-dumpling. What's wrong? What's changed?

You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa! Put on the brakes, it's all slipping away. Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.

But wait!!! You MAKE it to 60. You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE it to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70! After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80's and every day is a complete cycle; you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30 ; you REACH bedtime. And it doesn't end there Into the 90s, you start going backwards; 'I Was JUST 92.'

Then a strange thing happens. If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again. 'I'm 100 and a half!'
May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay 'them'

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle. 'An idle mind is the devil's workshop.' And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person, who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.. Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love , whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health: If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county; to a foreign country but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER :
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

Un-eventful Saturday

Well, another week, another blog. Just wanted to touch base with everyone, and see what's up!

Not too much going on here. Another long day at the VA last Monday. Waited 2 hours to see the doc (a very nice doc, I might add), but he said he didn't really need to see us, a phone call from the cardiologist would have been appropriate. If you recall, we were there to see if Dave's brain tumor would be a consideration in terms of blood thinners and anesthesia. Well, turns out the MRI he had at the VA didn't even show a brain tumor.....enough said! I guess it vaporized or something :))

A few updates...Dominick started high school at Saint Bonaventure on Friday. He was really excited, but almost got into a fight when an "upper grader" made a rude comment about his nose. Now for those of you who know Dom, you know he has a...well trying to find the right word, here, oh what the hell. He has a rather large nose, okay? That said, he's absolutely adorable, and I will kick anyone's ass who says differently! Just kidding. He's never been sensative about it, and it's never been an issue until now. He told me not to worry, though. His exact words were "once I own the school, nobody will care about my nose". He's got the best attitude ever. I just love him!

Debbie got some news from her doctor yesterday. In addition to everything else going on with her pregnancy, she's extremely anemic and has gestational diabetes. I immediately jumped on the internet and read everything I could about the subject. turns out it's not that big of a deal if she follows the diet the doc gave her. Now she is on complete bed rest, I'll let you know how that goes!

Tomorrow (Sunday) Dave and I are going to the Port Hueneme Beach Festival with Debbie and Rob. (Debbie is my life-long friend, and Rob is obviously her hubby). Dave is really looking forward to it, and it should be a blast. This year it has a Woodstock theme, so we're all wearing our tye dye! I'm a little worried about my knees and all the walking, but I'll load up on Advil and should be fine.

Dave lost my wallet, but I found it. That's the only Alz related deal that happened this week. It was a good week, I guess.

Well, thanks for checking in, leave a comment if you like, and continued health, happiness and love. See ya next time in the blogosphere! Love you all!

Boy oh Boy

I know, I know. I promised to blog several times a week and here it is 3 weeks later. I can only apoligize, I have no excuse.
I'm at work today (Saturday) and I brought my assistant with me. Dylan (5) is helping me out, and he's quite excited to be starting Kindergarten in a few weeks. His mom and dad are taking him "back to school" shopping next week. I would think that to go "back to school" shopping, you would have to have been in school at some point.....oh well1 :))
Things are pretty much the same with us. Dave continues to be exhausted, takes a 3-4hour nap every day. He's not swimming or riding the bike at all anymore. I'm so worried about him. We're off to the Neurologist on Monday to discuss the blood thinner/surgery issue. We're also going to have a long conversation regarding the effects of anesthesia on Alz patients. At this point, not sure we're going to move forward with the surgery. If the anesthesia could possibly progress Dave's Alz to the point of him having no quality of life.....
I think he may have progressed to the next stage of this shitty disease. Some of the things that are happening to him suggest a progression. At night, in addition to occasionally falling out of bed, he sleeps very fitfully. He flails around, waving his arms, yelling, not words, just sounds, and hitting the pillow. This doesn't happen every night, but several times a week. It really upsets Tasha (the dog) and so she doesn't sleep, and so I don't sleep. I know, just put the dog out, right? Wrong! She is the protector of the family, and will stand outside our closed door and cry and bark all night if we leave her out. When the boys spend the night, she divides her time between their bed in the den, and our room down the hall. She's such a precious pit!!! :))))
Anyway, lots of worry going on right now. Not only with Dave, but Debbie is having a very complicated pregnancy. Her doctor is concerned about 2 things right now. #1 is the baby's kidneys are abnormally large, and #2, the umbilical cord is wrapped pretty snuggly around her neck. Not much they can do about either right now. They've suggested genetic testing, but her insurance won't pay for it. They are looking for the genetic marker that may identify Downs Syndrome, as abnormally large kidneys could be an indicator of Downs. I guess at this point, that's not an issue. We've all come to love this little girl, so it really doesn't matter to any of us. It just puts a little strain on Debbie, who worries about how Steve will handle it. I say if he can't, hit the fucking bricks, right? The umbilcal cord issue will be addressed as she nears delivery. They may end up doing a c-section, but there is a chance that it could cut off oxygen to her brain before delivery. She's not on complete bed rest, but pretty close. Boy oh boy....if it isn't one thing, it's ten others.
My boss called me "a brave women" yesterday. I must have look at her with a look of bewilderment on my face, because she then went on to explain to me how I have all this crap in my life, a husband with Alz, a grand daughter that may have issues, a son that won't take his meds, teenage grandkids, having to do everything involved with running a home, and yet, here I come every morning with a smile on my face and a great attitude. She thinks I'm brave......what a joke. I think I plaster this stupid grin on my face and stumble through my days, because the alternative would be to curl up and die. Too many people need me for that to be an option. I just hope that if I ever need help, someone will plaster a stupid look on their face and be there. I'll let you know how that works out.
On a positive note (and yes, there are many, perhaps I'll dedicate my next blog to just happy stuff) we are going to a bbq tomorrow with a bunch of my co-workers and their families. The plumbers I work with, who are a tight knit group, have sorta taken Dave and I into their fold, and I love them for it! I'm going to take a big bowl of something, I just haven't figured out what yet, but whatever it is, it will be delicious! (inside joke!) :)))
I see an uneasy theme starting to emerge on my blogs. I even made it the topic of my last blog. It feel's like what I write is all about me. That certainly isn't my intent, and if I sound self-centered, I'm really not, and I apologize.
Thanks fopr stopping by, if anyone does anymore. I appreciate your reading this stuff. Post a comment if you like, and please take care. My wish for all of you is love, health and happiness. See you next time in the blogosphere! Love you all! :)))

It's all about me....and I'm tired

I'm tired. I'm tired of Dave's Alzheimers, that goes without saying. It's a disease that sucks at every opportunity. There is never a positive article, or any positive news about not only not finding a cure, but just finding something to help! I have been researching and talking to lots of friends that have loved ones with Alz. Dave takes Namenda, and I'm not sure why. I don't see any improvement in his memory or his ability to do tasks. I just look at it as 1 more pill he has to take every day. If there is no marked improvement, or any sign of anything, why does he have to continue to take it? Most of my friends have stopped all Alz related drugs. Some still need Seroquel (those who are unfortunate enough to have severe rage and anger issues), but the majority of them have decided to cut the Alz meds entirely. I think I am going to join them. Rest assured I would not do this without consulting Dr. Shtrahman, but we are absolutely going to discuss it at our next appointment.

I'm tired. I'm tired of not having 1 day off in the 7 they call a week. I thought having Matt here was going to be a bigger help than it is. Don't get me wrong, it is a help, but I seem to be doing all the cooking (except Sunday breakfast), and most of the cleaning. I told Matt last week that I was going to hire a house cleaner and he was going to have to pay half the cost. He's decided that he will take over the bathroom cleaning (we only have 1 with 3 people), so we'll see how long that lasts. Today (Sunday) he is working on his condo (he's getting it ready to rent) so guess what I'm doing? Yea, that's right....babysitting. In addition to cleaning the rest of the house, I get to do that! And did I mention that Heather comes for dinner every Sunday? Matt usually cooks, but he's "busy" today, so I will. OH GOD!!!! Okay, now I'm whining.

I'm tired. I'm tired of watching Dave do less and less. He sleeps 16-18 hours a day. In fact, he's laying on the couch behind me right now....snoring. It's 12 freakin 20 in the afternoon! This is heart related. He has no energy, and that's because his heart is only functioning at about 20%, and now that he's in A-Fib, it's probably less. Tomorrow we are down to the VA in West LA for all his tests (pre-surgery they let slip on the phone Friday). I know it's going to be a long ass day. We have to be there at 9:00, his last test is at 3:00.

I'm tired. I'm tired and cranky and I feel like a shit heal for being tired and cranky. I can't help it. Let's face it...I'm struggling and I don't know how or who to ask for help. I guess I better hit the internet and see what I can find. I long for the days when we used to wake up on the weekends, plan our day, and be gone all day. I looked forward to going back to work on Monday because I was energized and rested. I don't even know what that feels like anymore.

I guess the bottom line is this. I want my husband and my life back. We didn't ask for this awful disease! Unless you live with an Alz hubby or wife, I'm not sure anyone can relate to what it's like. I look at Dave, and he's not the man I married 33 years ago. I hardly know him anymore. I love him with all my heart, but sometimes I'm resentful. Is that horrid? Well, it is what it is. I can't help it. I'll try and do better.

Well, that's my rant from the blogosphere this week. It may not be warm and fuzzy, but it's real. Thanks for stopping by to take a read (although you may regret it after reading this somewhat self indulgent post!) 2 things I want to mention before I sign off...Dory - thanks for the DVD's. They were really helpful and I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Theresa - HAPPY BIRTHDAY girlfriend! I love you! To the rest of you, I wish for you health, happiness and continued love. See ya next time, I love you all!

Whew! It's Saturday!

Hi everyone! First of all, I need to deal with the issue of the frequency of my blogs. I know when I first started, I blogged daily, if not several times a week. Now I am barely blogging, and I feel bad. It's not that I don't have plenty to say...those of you who know me well certainly know that nothing could be further from the truth! I ALWAYS have something to say on any given subject. (for those of you who know Matt, he comes by this naturally!) The truth is, I don't have anyplace to blog! My lap top at home is stationary in the den, and Dave lives in there in the evening. I usually blog at work (on my lunch hour, of course!!!), but have been busy there lately. The nerve of these employers cutting into my blogging time! I will try harder to make more time and try and get at least 2 out a week, I promise! I guess what I want you all to know is, just because there isn't a blog, there isn't necessarily a problem, either. Thanks for understanding! Now on to the issues at hand....
Dave and I had a really fantastic day last Monday. Our friends from Oregon, Dick and Linda, were in town, so we were able to spend the day with them. Linda had her grand daughter with her, so I borrowed mine (Rhiannon) and we went to the Ventura Marina for lunch, sat outside, and it was beautiful! We languished for several hours, just eating and catching up. We haven't seen them in almost 4 years. (Dave and Dick talk at least once a week on the phone, though). Rhi and Bridget got along famously, sat at their own table and just chattered for hours. We got a couple of good pics, and I'm going to try and import them to the blog so you all can see :)
Although the day was fun, and we all talked for hours, Linda and Dick could really see the change in Dave. I hate to admit it, but they were shocked by the changes. That was a little sad, and yes, I had a good cry after they left. I just want Dave the way he was soooo badly, and when I see him in a social situation, it absolutely breaks my heart. He tries so very hard, but just can't seem to pull it all the way together. I'm so protective of him, I usually hang right by his side, but they are such good friends, I didn't have to do that. They totally understood, and we were all comfortable, so no 'babysitting' on Dave's behalf was necessary.
The rest of the week was pretty tough. It takes Dave longer and longer to rebound from events, so the rest ofthe week he has been taking it easy. He's feeling quite tired most of the time, and I think that's heart related. He still wants to do the "jobs" he used to do around the house, but even he realizes some of them are beyond his current ability. The one he still does, and still makes me laugh everyday, is setting the table for dinner. We never know what we're going to get when we sit down, and sometimes it's hilarious! One night last week we all had 2 knives. No other silverware, just 2 knives! Some of the configurations he comes up with are a scream. Matt enjoys them, too. Speaking of Matt, I have to tell you he has been a lifesaver, and a true help around the house. On the weekends, he drags Dave around on all his errands with him, and during the week he takes him to the pool every afternoon when he gets home from work. I think it is good for both of them. Matt has a much better understainding of Dave's Alz than Steve, who only pops in occasionally to say hi. It's probably better this way.
Well, we are looking forward to a quiet Sunday and Monday. Matt's cooking a birthday dinner for Heather Sunday night, she's turning 26 on Monday. We're have rib eyes and swiss cheese scalloped potatoes (one of Matt's specialties). I offered to make the cake, but he just got a recipe for "Molten Lava Chocolate Cakes" (individuals) so I will defer to him on the cake. He really is quite a cook, and now I find out he bakes, too! WOO HOO!!!
I'm taking Dave to see his friend Nazar on Monday (he owns Camarillo Jewelers and has been a friend of Daves for 15 years), and then we are going to lunch in Camarillo. All of our favorite restaurants are still in Camarillo, so we look for ways to get there so we can eat. (why does this become so important as you grow older? Any thoughts?) We are also going to finally buy a flat screen for our bedroom, since Dave spends most of his afternoons in there dozing. Then work for me the rest of the week. Dave's big test day is a week from Monday, and as I said before, we will be there in West Los Angeles all day. That should do him in for the rest of the week, poor guy! I'll keep ya'll posted....
Until next time, thanks for stopping by to read, leave a comment if you want, and please keep Dave in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks so much you guys!! See ya next time in the blogosphere! Love you all! ~Di

Dave's Cardiology appointment

Hi all! Hope this finds you all well. Dave and I went to the VA in WLA on Monday (thanks again, Dory, for meeting us there....much appreciated!) for his cardiology appointment. I KNEW there was something going on with him, what with the shortness of breath and all. Well, the one thing they told us 6 months ago is that they needed him to stay in regular sinus rythm. When we got there, they took his blood pressure and for the first time ever, it was really low (86/36). That was unusual. We went out and had a seat, and the nurse came out almost immediately and took him in for an EKG. When we finally met with the cardiologist (a very cute italian, by the way), he told us that Dave has converted to Atrial Fibrillation, which is what they didn't want. That's a fast, irregular heartbeat. Now the good new is, this can sometimes be treated with medication. The bad news is, in Dave's case it can't. Remember that "insignificant" brain tumor Dave has? You remember, the one that will NEVER cause him any trouble? Well, because of that, he can't take the medication (blood thinner) that they usually give, because it could cause a brain bleed. Oh great! Suddenly this stupid "insignificant" brain tumor is really quite significant. The other test that they would normally do is an angio gram to assess further damage. Well, because Dave only has 1 kidney (I'm not sure if any of you knew this), the contrast dye that they use in the angio gram could cause kidney failure, and he could end up on dialysis. Holy shit! What's going on here? Anyway, the bottom line is this....Dr. Cangolosi is working at warp speed to co-ordinate several things, such as a neuro consult, etc. We are going back down to the VA on June 27th and having a battery of tests (echo-cardiagram, cardiac utlra sound, lung function test, etc) and then back to Dr. Cangolosi on August 3rd for the results. Hopefully, I'll have more news then. The bottom line for Dave is this....he really needs you all to keep him in your prayers. The Atrial Fib can cause a massive stroke, and since we aren't able to do anything about it right now, he's walking a very slippery slope.
Sorry this blog has been full of not good news, but it is what it is. There's no way to sugar coat it, sorry.
Anyway, thanks for reading, post a comment if you want, but most important, keep Dave in your prayers. See ya next time in the blogosphere! Love you all!
Di

Where does the time go?

Hi everyone! Hope this finds you all well. I've heard from several of you (Dory and Nora, sorry!) that you were worried because there's been no blog. Well, don't worry, everything is status quo! It's been a very busy and interesting couple of weeks in our house. The big news is that Matt has decided that he needs more support than he's getting living on his own, and he thinks I need more support than I'm getting living with an Alz hubby. The solution? He's moved back in with us for awhile. God knows I can use the help! He can use some moral support, too, so it's going to work out for all of us. (plus he's a better cook than me!)
Dave has a new trick! He's been falling out of bed alot in the past 2 weeks. He usually doesn't remember in the morning. I've had to move his night stand further away from the bed so he doesn't hit his head. And poor Ozzy! He sleeps in his bed on the floor next to Dave, so he's being flattened on a regular basis. He doesn't seem to mind, though. Dave also started on his Namenda this week. He still thinks it's the miracle cure, and I'm not going to be the one to burst his bubble! For those of you who don't know, and why would you, Namenda is a cousin to Aricept, and it's used to slow the progression of AD. We'll see :(
Monday we are going to West LA to see the cardiologist. Dave has to have an echocardiagram on July 26th, so I guess this is just a pre-visit. He's been having some shortness of breath, which I mentioned in the last blog. Hopefully everything is good.
The grandkids are all on summer vacation, and thoroughly enjoying. Well, all except Dominick, who is taking math and english in summer school at St. Bonny's. This was a requirement for fall admission, so he is doing it, although reluctantly. He was all for it at first, but then summer rolled around, and he's the only one going to school. Oh well, I guess it's for the greater good. He'll live. Rhiannon is coming over Friday (I have a 4 day weekend!) and we are going to be doing some baking and some jam making. She's been wanting me to show her how to make apricot jam for a year, so this Friday's the day. I'm looking forward to it. She's an excellent pupil, and I LOVE spending time with her. Joe shaved his eyebrows off. I guess that's all I can say about that. Chris and Dylan are thrilled that Daddy is living at our house, because we can spend more time with them! I can't believe Dylan is starting the big "K" in September. Where does the time go?
I guess that might be the moral of this blog....where does the time go? I am fully committed to spending every single day with Dave, and enjoying everything he has to offer. I know that time is precious for us, so I MUST enjoy the time we have. He is in good spirits, knows what's happeneing to him :( but continues to possess a possitive attitude. Even though he gets grouchy, and tires easily, and is prone to outbursts, ( oh hell, all that?) I still love him with all my heart.
Well, that's my story and I'm sticking to it! See ya all next time in the blogosphere! I love you all! :) Take care

Sorry for the delay....

Okay, so I've had a crappy week, compounded by a double ear infection. My ears have been plugged for over a week, and I can't hear a damn thing. If any of you called this week, I couldn't hear to talk on the phone, so I just didn't answer my phone. Thank God I have great co-workers who not only put up with my whining all week, they also took over my phone answering duties! (Thanks Ida & Ronda!)
Any who, on to other things....Dave had his first session with Dr. Mendez this past Monday. It was pretty grueling for him. He met with a research assistant for 3 hours, doing all kinds of tests. He did some things on the computer, had to write some stuff (Oh God!!) and answer a trillion (according to him) questions. I'm greatful I took a book. Then when he was done, I had to go in for almost an hour and answer more questions. I don't know exactly what they asked Dave because, guess what, he couldn't remember. Bummer. They asked me the usual, when did I notice his memory was degrading, can he dress himself (ha!), things like that. She asked me to describe two events in the last month that would be memorable to Dave, so I chose Memorial Day bbq w/Matt and Heather, and Dom's graduation. He remembered the graduation, but couldn't remember where we ate or who was with us :(, and he couldn't remember the bbq at all.
I'm feeling a wee bit overwhelmed by all of this. Talking about all the specifics with the research assistant has made me realize that Dave
is further along in his journey than I realized. We were both exhausted when we left UCLA, but we did manage to stop at our favorite Mexican dump in Santa Monica (Campos) and have a burrito before heading home. We haven't eaten there in years, and you'll be happy to know it hasn't changed a bit!
Friday afternoon found us back at the VA in the Valley for an ultra sound. Dave has to have the 6 month check up of his Thorasic Aortic Aneurysm, so he has to have a couple of things done before meeting with the Cardiologist. On that note, I'm a little concerned as he has been experiencing a little shortness of breath and indigestion recently. No worries 'til we see the Cardiologist. (I could manufacture some worries, but I won't).
Well, that's the long and the short of it. Hope you are all well and happy and loved! Thanks for reading, and see ya next time in the blogosphere! I love you all!

Dom's Big Day...With No Pictures

Hi everyone. We spent Friday evening with family and friends watching our beloved Dominick graduate with honors from St. Anthony's Middle School. What a night! The church was packed with parents, grandparents, and friends. Rhiannon was an alter server, which made the event more special. Keep in mind that we've known most of the graduating class since they were in second grade, so we had a blast!
I have to say, I started the evening with high hopes and great expectations. When I got home from work, not only was Dave dressed in matching clothes that I didn't pick out for him , but he had the digital camera charged up and ready to go with no prompting from me! Oh boy, I thought, this is going to be great! And it would have been....if only Dave could remember how to use the camera. We didn't get 1 single picture of the graduation, or the reception that followed. The more he tried, the more frustrated he got. Matt asked him if he could try and take some pictures and Dave damn near bit his head off. All part of the disease, I know, but maddening none the less. Next time I'll know to spirit the camera away before Dave gets ahold of it. Of course there's always the possibility that next time Dave won't remember the camera. Oh well, such is life with an Alz hubby! :)
So now Dom is off to start his high school career at St. Bonny's! He's the only one in his grad class that's going there. Most are off to Santa Clara, and a few to the dreaded 'public school' Oxnard High . After the reception, we all went out for Chinese food, except Dom, who went to a party with all his classmates. There was a slight change in the plan there. We were going to go to Joe's Crab Shack, but one of Dom's classmates decided to have a party, so of course all the kids wanted to go. Any who, I've become an expert at rolling with the flow lately. The evening was a huge success and lots of fun, (except for the camera part).
Off topic, we're going down to UCLA again on Monday for some psych testing that's part of the research project Dave is participating in for Dr. Mendez. We should be gone most of the day as the testing will take approximately 4 hours. I better take a book. I'll let you all know how it went sometime next week.
Well, that's all for now. Thanks for reading, see you next time in the blogosphere! Love you all! :)

Big News

I have a couple of things to blog about, but don't have time tonight....so I'll just tell you our big news. Debbie and Steve had their ultra sound today, and we are having a grand daughter in mid-November! We couldn't be more thrilled! Grandma's scorecard - boys 4 girls 2! Dom's graduating tomorrow, so I have a lot on my plate, but I do have some Alz stuff I want to tell you about. Hopefully Saturday night I'll have some time. Until then...love you all! :)

Post Monday Doc Appointment

Hi everyone! Hope this finds you all well. We had a hectic weekend, birthday parties (happy b'day Jordon!), dinner with Matt & Heather (Matt cooked at our house, it's easier for Dave) and the much dreaded doctor appointment Monday. We were going to meet Dave's new PCP, as his wonderful Dr. Paulis decided not to take VA patients anymore. This had Dave a bit uneasy, he doesn't do change all that well anymore. He fretted all the way there, thank God the appt was 9:00 in the morning. The VA here has moved into a beautiful new building in Oxnard. Long-short, we were sitting in the room waiting for the new doc, and the door flew open and in walked Dr. Paulis! He had a change of heart, and Dave couldn't have been more thrilled. (me, too. He's GREAT) He's decided to only take VA patients, and has signed a 5 year contract with the VA. The appointment went well. It's been 6 months since they found Dave's Thoracic Aneurysm, so he needs to go back to the Cardiac Surgery Clinic so they can see if surgery is indicated. He'll have an MRI in 2 weeks, then the clinic after that. I'll keep you posted on that situation.
On to fun stuff...Dominick is graduating Jr. High on Friday, and as Student Body Pres, he's giving the speech. He's very nervous, but he keeps everything in prospective. He told me earlier on the phone: "Grandma, it's junior high. Nobody will remember what I said by Saturday afternoon!" Boy, he sure has that right. We are all going at 5:15, Matt, Heather and Chris and Dylan, Us, Debbie's Folks, her sisters and their kids. After the graduation, we're off to Joe's Crab Shack for a celebration. Some of Dom's friends and their families will join us there. We're looking forward to it. I hope I can keep Dave in a good spot. Probably not, he does horrible in crowds, but at least I'll have help in the form of Matt and Heather. They've been terrific, and I love them for it.
Well, I guess that's it for this edition of Diane's Daily Life. Thanks for reading, feel free to post a comment if you like, and I'll see ya in the blogosphere! Love you all! :)

Diagnosis Confirmation...Sigh

Hi everyone! Today was our big day at the Memory Clinic. First of all, thank you Dory SO MUCH for being there with us today. It was a huge comfort. The appointment went something like this....Dr. Hirato met with us collectively in the beginning to ask us questions and find out what we thought was going on. What can and can't Dave do, when did it start, things like that. Then Dr. Hirato kicked Dory and I out and met with Dave alone for well over an hour. He gave him a standardized mental exam, physical exam, and written/visual spacial exam. This is the same exam Dr. Shtrahman gives him every 3 months, just expanded. Dave has been scoring between 22-24 points out of 30 for a year. Today he scored 15. This was a huge blow. I have seen the progression of the disease, but I somehow always find a way in my mind to justify what I'm seeing. We then met with Dr. Hirota and Dr. Mario Mendez, who is the Chair of the Neurology Department at UCLA. Dr Mendez is....well...quirky, I guess you could say. He asked some questions, and then excused himself (for what, I didn't know at the time). He came back in a few and asked what diagnosis, if any, DR. Shtrahman had given us. I explained that he told us Dave had Dementia, probably Alzheimers. Dr Mendez the confirmed this diagnosis, telling us that Dave does indeed have Early Onset Alzheimer's Disease (EOAD) and that he was at a moderate stage. When I pushed him as to what stage he was in (1-7, 7 being end stage) he sighed and said he didn't really hold much credibility in the grading scale of the disease, every case is different, but if he had to make a guess, solid 4 leaning to 5, maybe a bit higher. Here comes that fucking truck that keeps running me over! Damn! Anyway, at least we have a strong idea of what's going on, and what's to come. Dave is now going on Namenda (it's like Aricept without the tummy discomfort) Dr. Mendez told us he is conducting a research project for the New England Journal of Medicine, trying to find a correlation of combat related issues and the high rate of diagnosis of EOAD in Viet Nam Vets. (fyi, anyone diagnosed with AD before the age of 65 is considered "early onset") We agreed to participate, and signed a mountain of paperwork involving that. He also wants to have Dave have a lumbar puncture (spinal tap) and send it back East to see if there are any toxins in the spinal fluid that could help explain the early onset. I'm rambling now, so I am going to sign off. Will try and collect my thoughts, pull myself out from under the truck, and get back with you when I'm more serene. Oh, by the way, for those of you who have said you can't post a comment, try again, I did some customizing of the page. At the bottom of the comment box, there is a pull down that says "Comment As", pull down and choose "anonymous" Thanks for listening, and I love you all! :)

Dave's Big Day

Well, tomorrow morning we head down to West LA to the Neurological Memory Clinic for Dave's evaluation. As I explained before, he will be assessed by a team of Neurologists who are Dementia Specialists. We hit the road at 6:30 am for the hour and a half drive. He's nervous, but I keep explaining it's not a pass/fail thing. He understands it's not going to change his AD dx, but I don't think he quite knows what it will do. I have to be honest....I'm not sure either, but we'll find out tomorrow. I know that they are evaluating him for participation in future clinical trials, and this is crucial. Believe me when I tell you I have done exhaustive research on AD. I've spent countless hours doing this research, and I think I'm really prepared to ask some hard questions tomorrow. Over the 34 years we've been together, we have amassed quite a collection of favorite poems, stories and sayings. (Dave's mom Marge used to do the same thing, and I remember how much I enjoyed looking through her collection with her). I was looking through our huge box of clippings (I know, I know, I will get them on a disc when I have time!) and I wanted to find something appropriate for tomorrow. I hope that you keep us in your prayers, I love you all! :) This is just perfect: It comes from a beautiful poem by Leonard Cohen ~

Ring the bells that still can ring. Forget your perfect offering. There is a crack in everything. That is how the light gets in.

Think I'll throw a pity party

Well, first of all, this is the 1st three day weekend I've had in almost a year, so for that, I'm thankful. And that's pretty much where it stops. Dave has had a rough couple of days. Saturday was so nice with the long bike ride to the Marina and all. Sunday he was sleepy most of the day, so he slept quite a bit. Monday was awful. He woke up before me, and as usual, made the coffee. He didn't put the coffee in the dealy, so he was drinking hot water and didn't even realize it. I got up and saw what had happened, so I made another pot with coffee, and prayed he didn't see, so I wouldn't have to tell him what he did. He didn't notice. As is our usual Monday routine, we went to the grocery store and shopped for the week. He shuffled along behind me, and then disappeared. I didn't know where he went! I kept shopping thinking he would catch up, but he didn't. I went to the restroom, and there he was, just standing there. Do you have to go? I asked. Nope, just have gas, he said. Apparently he was just standing there farting....I don't know. The rest of the day was uneventful. I did some chores that I have been putting off since we moved here a year and a half ago. We didn't get invited to any Memorial Day BBQ's this year. Our kids had other plans. Most of you who read this blog live out of town, but may I pose a question? Do any of you think we're not being invited to things because of Dave's AD? It's getting pretty lonely here, but I'm not sure if that's the reason. I guess I have to assume it is, since the invites stopped after the dx. Guess I'm just having a little pity party for myself. Sorry. Poor us. Anyway, we're bbq-ing like it's a holiday, so I better sign off. Thanks for listeneing. Hope you all had a great Holiday weekend. See ya next time in the blogosphere! Love you all! :)

Today I rode a bike

Big deal, right? Right! A dear co-worker (whose name may or may not be Ronda) very generously donated not 1 but 2 almost brand new bikes to Dave and I several weeks ago. (I have to say once again that people's generosity astounds me at times). Dave has been riding his daily, and I have been planning to ride mine daily. Well, today is the first Saturday I have had off since September '08, and I decided that a spin around the complex was in order. I am SO out of shape I doubted I could even do that. Well let me tell you, 2 hours and 5 miles later, we pulled back into the garage. We actually rode all the way to the Stonebridge Marina, and then followed all the bike trails thru the Marina. It was a stunning ride on a glorious day! We had so much fun, it was "just like the old days". Dave was having a blast being my tour guide (he does this ride regularly), and we stopped for a few minutes and watched the boats come in and out thru the channel. I now feel like a big piece of rubber, but I think I'll survive to do it another day. Now that my secret's out (I can actually ride for more than 5 minutes), Dave is already planning our next ride, to Hueneme Beach. I better be careful or I may actually loose a little weight and get back into shape. How horrible will that be!! Anyway, that's my blog and I'm sticking to it! I'm off to pick up the little boys (Chris & Dylan) for their last Saturday night with us. Man, that 3 months went fast! See ya all in the blogoshphere! Bye for now :)

A Temporary Olive Branch

Our beautiful Joe was to make his First Holy Communion this past Sunday. I had been looking forward to it for months, but in light of what's transpired between Steve and I, Dave and I decided not to attend. Quite frankly, I was heart broken. Out of the blue Friday night, Steve called and asked us to please attend, because it was important to Joe that we be there (Dave is his God Father, after all). Steve even offered to stay home if it would make things easier for us. My first thought was, oh my God! maybe he isn't going to keep the kids from us! After some thought, we agreed to attend, and I was delighted. Long story short, it was a beautiful Mass, everyone got along, and Joe did spectacular. As soon as we woke up Sunday morning, I knew Dave wasn't going to have a good day. He has developed a new symptom in the last few days, his hands shake. I mean, they SHAKE. The weird thing is, they don't do it all the time, and he doesn't seem to notice. After Mass we went to Joe's favorite Donut Shop for a celebration. Leave it to Joe to pick a donut shop. By the time we got home, Dave was crabby, so off for a nap I sent him. I called Steve while Dave slept and thanked him for the olive branch he extended, and we talked for a few minutes. Now, if he would just take his meds we could have a relationship, but I don't hold my breath. Any who, that's the long and the short of it. I'm looking forward to our trip to the Memory Clinic next week. I am armed with a list of questions, and will mention the hands shaking thing. Take care, and I'll be in touch. Thanks for being there! :)

Another Beautiful Poem

My wonderful and talented friend Divvi emailed this to me this morning, and I would love to share it with you all. I am truly blessed to have some very special, caring people in my life. You know who you are! :)

"The "forgettting disease" that robs the mind,
Everforgetful of ties that bind."

"Hearts are shattered,
And bodies are broken,
We try not to notice, no words are spoken."

"Memories are vague,
our lives are lost,
We must move forward,
At a very precious cost."

"The prayers we ask are always the same,
for each of us holds a loved one's name."

"When the time draws near,
and we must let go,
We pray our loved ones have no fear."

"Many will be called before our own,
Our love goes with them on their journey back home.."

Devastation

I can't blog about the usual today, as I am dealing with another issue that has been coming to a head over the past few days. That issue is Steve. Years and years of psych facilities, and numerous drug rehabs, and it just doesn't get any better. As some of you know, but most probably don't, Steve was diagnosed with schizophrenia at age 15. He has refused treatment all these years, and is, once again, spiraling out of control, and as usual, taking us all with him. After an entire week of verbal attacks and abuse by Steve, I have decided it is time to close the door. That means I am choosing to walk away from not only Steve, but my grandkids as well, as he will withhold them from me. This is a choice that I did not make lightly. It has been 15 years in the making, and it's time. All of Steve's rage has always been directed at me, but his new salvo of rage has been devastating. I need to take a few days to decompress and grieve the loss of my son and grandkids. At some point in the future, I may be able to explain what has gone on recently, but for now I simply can not. I'll be back in the blogosphere when I am able. Until then, I love you all.

A-ha moment Tuesday

I had great news this morning. When we were at Dr. Shtrahman's (Dave's neuro) last Monday, he had an a-ha moment. There's several things that he does every three months, and one is what they call a mme test. It stands for mini-mental exam. He asks Dave 10 questions designed to use all parts of the brain, and then scores him out of a possible 30. Dave consistantly scores 19-20. He also spends alot of time testing his reflexes, which Dave hates. Everytime he does the reflex testing, he brings in another neuro to do the same test. For the past year, I thought this was sop (standard operating procedure). Well, this past Monday, the head of Neurology happened to be there, and he came in and did the second reflex test. Half way thru the test, he looked at Dr. Shtrahman and said "yes, there it is". (another a-ha moment!) Now for the past year, Dr. Shtrahman has seen something in the reflexes that he couldn't get anyone else to see, until Monday. They went out into the hallway, and when they came back in, they explained that neither one of them specialize in dementia, so because of what they saw, they asked if we would consider sending Dave to the UCLA Memory Clinic so he can be evaluated by a team of neuros who specialize un dementia. Of course, we said yes. Dr. Shtrahaman was going to start Dave on Namenda on Monday (it's a cousin to Aricept, which Dave can't take), but after consulting, they decided to wait until he's evaluated at the Memory Clinic. Now, on to the good news....the Memory Clinic called this morning, and Dave is being seen on May 28th. Keep in mind this won't change the diagnosis, but it could open Dave up to participate in some Clinical Trials. For those of us dealing with this horrible disease, that's the best possible news. I'm trying so hard to stay positive. I don't get much support from family and friends, but I know that unless people are dealing with this, they don't know the struggles. I didn't say that to be deragatory in any way, please know that. I understand. No worries at this point, I have my cherished support group. God Bless them each and every day. The last week has been filled with a-ha moments, both good and bad. We continue to struggle forward, one step at a time. Keep coming back, you all are so important to me. See ya in the blogosphere tomorrow!

Just another manic Monday

Hi everyone. It's Monday evening, and all is well. I belong to a terrific AlzSpouse support group, and one of my dear friends there, Susan Carr, wrote this and emailed it to me today. It will be my Monday post, enough said.

DON'T DIE

ALZHEIMERS DISEASE SUCKS THE LIFE OUT OF LIFE.
IT TAKES AWAY ALL YOU CHERISHED MOST
FRIENDS GET TIRED OF THE DEPRESSED .
CHILDREN MOVE AWAY TO FORGET.
THOSE CHERISHED MOST IN YOUR LIFE BECOME
ABSENT.
THEY DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO, WHAT TO SAY,
SO THEY SAY NOTHING
THERE'S ENOUGH CRAP IN EVERYONES DAY, WHO NEEDS MORE.
DAYS ARE SILENT, NIGHTS ARE RESTLESS, A LOVED ONE SLIPS AWAY, YOU CONTINUE TO SAY THE LONG GOODBYE.
ALONE, NO DINNERS OUT, NO VISITS, NO FRIENDS.
ANYONE FOR COFFEE, NO, SOMEONES DYING. WE ARE SHRINKING, ONLY THE DOCTOR SEES US, WE ARE BECOMING INVISIBLE. TAKE PILLS, DRINK WINE, WALK, ROCK, WRAP YOURSELVES AROUND EACH OTHER, AND CRY. WE ARE ALONE, AS WE DIE. ONE SITS AND WATCHES THE OTHER SLEEP, SLIP AWAY DAY BY DAY. HELP GET WASHED, HELP GET PILLS, HELP WALK, HELP GET DRESSED. COMB HAIR KISS FOREHEAD, HOW NICE IT WOULD BE FOR MY FOREHEAD TO BE KISSED, FOR MY HAIR TO BE BRUSHED, FOR A WORD OF LOVE, OF SUPPORT
FOR SOMEONE, ANYONE, NOT TO BE AFRAID TO ASK HOW ARE YOU? DO YOU NEED TO TALK. FOR NOW I'LL BE SILENT UNTIL I SCREAM TO THE STARS TO HIT ME AGAIN, I CAN TAKE IT. I'M A CAREGIVER.

Happy Mother's Day!

Happy Mother's Day to all the mommies. I hope everyone had a great day! Ours was just 'okay'. Dylan spent the night, so I got a crappy nights sleep, shared the hide-a-bed w/Dylan. Why they call it a hide-a-bed is a mystery to me. It should be called a hide-a-torture-rack. (sigh). But I digress. Yesterday I bought Debbie and Heather potted tulips for MD, and put them on a table in the living room. Dave didn't notice them all night (big surprise!) He did, however notice them this morning, so here comes the driving issue.....again. For those of you who don't know this, Dave's Neurologist had his drvers license revoked last August due to his AD. He wanted to take the car "just down the street" to Ralphs to buy me flowers. The sentiment was very sweet, I must say. When I suggested that I needed a few things and maybe we could go together, he flew into a rage. Now for the better part of our 33 married years, Dave was always Mr. Mellow, so when these new AD symptoms rear their ugly head, it's just, hmmm let me think, well it's just weird. He stormed around the backyard, cursing under his breath, but he came around. (thank God!) I am fortunate that Dave is mostly 'still in there' and these things (anger, rage and, lately, a little aggression) don't happen everyday, but they do happen. Back to the driving issue...last week I parked on the street when I got home, and later that night Dave said he would put the car away. Okay, I thought, it's only 100 yards, right? Off he went, and 5 minutes later, crash, boom, bang in the garage. He plowed into the truck rack that sits on the floor, and took a chunk out of my bumper. Now let me tell you, this truck rack is the bane of my existance. It comes off a truck that Dave hasn't owned in almost 2 years, and being that he will never drive again, why in the hell do we need to keep this stupid thing? One of my co-workers was interested in buying it, and when I mentioned this to Dave, he informed me he may need it someday. Sigh....
We had a BBQ with Matt and Heather (and Chris and Dylan), and Heather actually cooked! :) Now this was a total shock. Not only doesn't Heather cook, I don't think she even knows where her kitchen is! The food was actually delicious (after many phone calls to mom-in-law with quesitons), but I appreciated it. We're home now, Dave was crabby so I sent him off to take nap. I think for me, a little wine therapy is in order! Take care, and I'll blog at ya soon!

Today, I started a blog

Okay, so I've been trying to think of a way to keep family and friends updated on Dave's condition (you know, the dreaded Alzheimers Disease, which I will refer to as AD) without having to call you all and sound like I'm whining all the time. I'm sure, judging from experience, not many want to hear about it. A wonderful friend who shares this experience of being and Alz spouse, suggested this blogging thing. Since I am not very computer literate, I thought there is no way I can pull this off, but here I am!! :) I hope I can share our experiences, both good and bad, and maybe it will also help me deal with the stress of working full time and caregiving full time. I also hope that I can share family experiences as well. For example, Grandson Dylan turned 5 (omg) yesterday, and we had a family thing a Chuck E. Chesse's. It was lots of fun, and we always get to see Heather's family at these functions, and they are a hoot, (and yes, I mean you Toni!) so it's fun to get together. Grandson Joey (8) is getting ready to make his First Holy Communion this month, so we are looking forward to that. I think the biggest news is that eldest Grandson Dominick (who is starting HS in September) got accepted to Saint Bonaventure High School in Ventura. This was no easy feat, tests and interviews, finding community leaders to write letters on his behalf, and yet, HE'S IN!!! We couldn't be more excited for Dom. He has worked so hard for this, and we are very proud of him! Well, this concludes my introductory first blog (woo hoo!) and though it's entitled Diane's Daily Life, I doubt that I will have time to post daily, but thanks for visiting, and please check back often. I will be adding some pics and fun stuff, please be patient with the novice blogger!