I'm tired. I'm tired of Dave's Alzheimers, that goes without saying. It's a disease that sucks at every opportunity. There is never a positive article, or any positive news about not only not finding a cure, but just finding something to help! I have been researching and talking to lots of friends that have loved ones with Alz. Dave takes Namenda, and I'm not sure why. I don't see any improvement in his memory or his ability to do tasks. I just look at it as 1 more pill he has to take every day. If there is no marked improvement, or any sign of anything, why does he have to continue to take it? Most of my friends have stopped all Alz related drugs. Some still need Seroquel (those who are unfortunate enough to have severe rage and anger issues), but the majority of them have decided to cut the Alz meds entirely. I think I am going to join them. Rest assured I would not do this without consulting Dr. Shtrahman, but we are absolutely going to discuss it at our next appointment.
I'm tired. I'm tired of not having 1 day off in the 7 they call a week. I thought having Matt here was going to be a bigger help than it is. Don't get me wrong, it is a help, but I seem to be doing all the cooking (except Sunday breakfast), and most of the cleaning. I told Matt last week that I was going to hire a house cleaner and he was going to have to pay half the cost. He's decided that he will take over the bathroom cleaning (we only have 1 with 3 people), so we'll see how long that lasts. Today (Sunday) he is working on his condo (he's getting it ready to rent) so guess what I'm doing? Yea, that's right....babysitting. In addition to cleaning the rest of the house, I get to do that! And did I mention that Heather comes for dinner every Sunday? Matt usually cooks, but he's "busy" today, so I will. OH GOD!!!! Okay, now I'm whining.
I'm tired. I'm tired of watching Dave do less and less. He sleeps 16-18 hours a day. In fact, he's laying on the couch behind me right now....snoring. It's 12 freakin 20 in the afternoon! This is heart related. He has no energy, and that's because his heart is only functioning at about 20%, and now that he's in A-Fib, it's probably less. Tomorrow we are down to the VA in West LA for all his tests (pre-surgery they let slip on the phone Friday). I know it's going to be a long ass day. We have to be there at 9:00, his last test is at 3:00.
I'm tired. I'm tired and cranky and I feel like a shit heal for being tired and cranky. I can't help it. Let's face it...I'm struggling and I don't know how or who to ask for help. I guess I better hit the internet and see what I can find. I long for the days when we used to wake up on the weekends, plan our day, and be gone all day. I looked forward to going back to work on Monday because I was energized and rested. I don't even know what that feels like anymore.
I guess the bottom line is this. I want my husband and my life back. We didn't ask for this awful disease! Unless you live with an Alz hubby or wife, I'm not sure anyone can relate to what it's like. I look at Dave, and he's not the man I married 33 years ago. I hardly know him anymore. I love him with all my heart, but sometimes I'm resentful. Is that horrid? Well, it is what it is. I can't help it. I'll try and do better.
Well, that's my rant from the blogosphere this week. It may not be warm and fuzzy, but it's real. Thanks for stopping by to take a read (although you may regret it after reading this somewhat self indulgent post!) 2 things I want to mention before I sign off...Dory - thanks for the DVD's. They were really helpful and I appreciate your thoughtfulness. Theresa - HAPPY BIRTHDAY girlfriend! I love you! To the rest of you, I wish for you health, happiness and continued love. See ya next time, I love you all!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
Saturday, July 18, 2009
Whew! It's Saturday!
Hi everyone! First of all, I need to deal with the issue of the frequency of my blogs. I know when I first started, I blogged daily, if not several times a week. Now I am barely blogging, and I feel bad. It's not that I don't have plenty to say...those of you who know me well certainly know that nothing could be further from the truth! I ALWAYS have something to say on any given subject. (for those of you who know Matt, he comes by this naturally!) The truth is, I don't have anyplace to blog! My lap top at home is stationary in the den, and Dave lives in there in the evening. I usually blog at work (on my lunch hour, of course!!!), but have been busy there lately. The nerve of these employers cutting into my blogging time! I will try harder to make more time and try and get at least 2 out a week, I promise! I guess what I want you all to know is, just because there isn't a blog, there isn't necessarily a problem, either. Thanks for understanding! Now on to the issues at hand....
Dave and I had a really fantastic day last Monday. Our friends from Oregon, Dick and Linda, were in town, so we were able to spend the day with them. Linda had her grand daughter with her, so I borrowed mine (Rhiannon) and we went to the Ventura Marina for lunch, sat outside, and it was beautiful! We languished for several hours, just eating and catching up. We haven't seen them in almost 4 years. (Dave and Dick talk at least once a week on the phone, though). Rhi and Bridget got along famously, sat at their own table and just chattered for hours. We got a couple of good pics, and I'm going to try and import them to the blog so you all can see :)
Although the day was fun, and we all talked for hours, Linda and Dick could really see the change in Dave. I hate to admit it, but they were shocked by the changes. That was a little sad, and yes, I had a good cry after they left. I just want Dave the way he was soooo badly, and when I see him in a social situation, it absolutely breaks my heart. He tries so very hard, but just can't seem to pull it all the way together. I'm so protective of him, I usually hang right by his side, but they are such good friends, I didn't have to do that. They totally understood, and we were all comfortable, so no 'babysitting' on Dave's behalf was necessary.
The rest of the week was pretty tough. It takes Dave longer and longer to rebound from events, so the rest ofthe week he has been taking it easy. He's feeling quite tired most of the time, and I think that's heart related. He still wants to do the "jobs" he used to do around the house, but even he realizes some of them are beyond his current ability. The one he still does, and still makes me laugh everyday, is setting the table for dinner. We never know what we're going to get when we sit down, and sometimes it's hilarious! One night last week we all had 2 knives. No other silverware, just 2 knives! Some of the configurations he comes up with are a scream. Matt enjoys them, too. Speaking of Matt, I have to tell you he has been a lifesaver, and a true help around the house. On the weekends, he drags Dave around on all his errands with him, and during the week he takes him to the pool every afternoon when he gets home from work. I think it is good for both of them. Matt has a much better understainding of Dave's Alz than Steve, who only pops in occasionally to say hi. It's probably better this way.
Well, we are looking forward to a quiet Sunday and Monday. Matt's cooking a birthday dinner for Heather Sunday night, she's turning 26 on Monday. We're have rib eyes and swiss cheese scalloped potatoes (one of Matt's specialties). I offered to make the cake, but he just got a recipe for "Molten Lava Chocolate Cakes" (individuals) so I will defer to him on the cake. He really is quite a cook, and now I find out he bakes, too! WOO HOO!!!
I'm taking Dave to see his friend Nazar on Monday (he owns Camarillo Jewelers and has been a friend of Daves for 15 years), and then we are going to lunch in Camarillo. All of our favorite restaurants are still in Camarillo, so we look for ways to get there so we can eat. (why does this become so important as you grow older? Any thoughts?) We are also going to finally buy a flat screen for our bedroom, since Dave spends most of his afternoons in there dozing. Then work for me the rest of the week. Dave's big test day is a week from Monday, and as I said before, we will be there in West Los Angeles all day. That should do him in for the rest of the week, poor guy! I'll keep ya'll posted....
Until next time, thanks for stopping by to read, leave a comment if you want, and please keep Dave in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks so much you guys!! See ya next time in the blogosphere! Love you all! ~Di
Dave and I had a really fantastic day last Monday. Our friends from Oregon, Dick and Linda, were in town, so we were able to spend the day with them. Linda had her grand daughter with her, so I borrowed mine (Rhiannon) and we went to the Ventura Marina for lunch, sat outside, and it was beautiful! We languished for several hours, just eating and catching up. We haven't seen them in almost 4 years. (Dave and Dick talk at least once a week on the phone, though). Rhi and Bridget got along famously, sat at their own table and just chattered for hours. We got a couple of good pics, and I'm going to try and import them to the blog so you all can see :)
Although the day was fun, and we all talked for hours, Linda and Dick could really see the change in Dave. I hate to admit it, but they were shocked by the changes. That was a little sad, and yes, I had a good cry after they left. I just want Dave the way he was soooo badly, and when I see him in a social situation, it absolutely breaks my heart. He tries so very hard, but just can't seem to pull it all the way together. I'm so protective of him, I usually hang right by his side, but they are such good friends, I didn't have to do that. They totally understood, and we were all comfortable, so no 'babysitting' on Dave's behalf was necessary.
The rest of the week was pretty tough. It takes Dave longer and longer to rebound from events, so the rest ofthe week he has been taking it easy. He's feeling quite tired most of the time, and I think that's heart related. He still wants to do the "jobs" he used to do around the house, but even he realizes some of them are beyond his current ability. The one he still does, and still makes me laugh everyday, is setting the table for dinner. We never know what we're going to get when we sit down, and sometimes it's hilarious! One night last week we all had 2 knives. No other silverware, just 2 knives! Some of the configurations he comes up with are a scream. Matt enjoys them, too. Speaking of Matt, I have to tell you he has been a lifesaver, and a true help around the house. On the weekends, he drags Dave around on all his errands with him, and during the week he takes him to the pool every afternoon when he gets home from work. I think it is good for both of them. Matt has a much better understainding of Dave's Alz than Steve, who only pops in occasionally to say hi. It's probably better this way.
Well, we are looking forward to a quiet Sunday and Monday. Matt's cooking a birthday dinner for Heather Sunday night, she's turning 26 on Monday. We're have rib eyes and swiss cheese scalloped potatoes (one of Matt's specialties). I offered to make the cake, but he just got a recipe for "Molten Lava Chocolate Cakes" (individuals) so I will defer to him on the cake. He really is quite a cook, and now I find out he bakes, too! WOO HOO!!!
I'm taking Dave to see his friend Nazar on Monday (he owns Camarillo Jewelers and has been a friend of Daves for 15 years), and then we are going to lunch in Camarillo. All of our favorite restaurants are still in Camarillo, so we look for ways to get there so we can eat. (why does this become so important as you grow older? Any thoughts?) We are also going to finally buy a flat screen for our bedroom, since Dave spends most of his afternoons in there dozing. Then work for me the rest of the week. Dave's big test day is a week from Monday, and as I said before, we will be there in West Los Angeles all day. That should do him in for the rest of the week, poor guy! I'll keep ya'll posted....
Until next time, thanks for stopping by to read, leave a comment if you want, and please keep Dave in your thoughts and prayers. Thanks so much you guys!! See ya next time in the blogosphere! Love you all! ~Di
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Dave's Cardiology appointment
Hi all! Hope this finds you all well. Dave and I went to the VA in WLA on Monday (thanks again, Dory, for meeting us there....much appreciated!) for his cardiology appointment. I KNEW there was something going on with him, what with the shortness of breath and all. Well, the one thing they told us 6 months ago is that they needed him to stay in regular sinus rythm. When we got there, they took his blood pressure and for the first time ever, it was really low (86/36). That was unusual. We went out and had a seat, and the nurse came out almost immediately and took him in for an EKG. When we finally met with the cardiologist (a very cute italian, by the way), he told us that Dave has converted to Atrial Fibrillation, which is what they didn't want. That's a fast, irregular heartbeat. Now the good new is, this can sometimes be treated with medication. The bad news is, in Dave's case it can't. Remember that "insignificant" brain tumor Dave has? You remember, the one that will NEVER cause him any trouble? Well, because of that, he can't take the medication (blood thinner) that they usually give, because it could cause a brain bleed. Oh great! Suddenly this stupid "insignificant" brain tumor is really quite significant. The other test that they would normally do is an angio gram to assess further damage. Well, because Dave only has 1 kidney (I'm not sure if any of you knew this), the contrast dye that they use in the angio gram could cause kidney failure, and he could end up on dialysis. Holy shit! What's going on here? Anyway, the bottom line is this....Dr. Cangolosi is working at warp speed to co-ordinate several things, such as a neuro consult, etc. We are going back down to the VA on June 27th and having a battery of tests (echo-cardiagram, cardiac utlra sound, lung function test, etc) and then back to Dr. Cangolosi on August 3rd for the results. Hopefully, I'll have more news then. The bottom line for Dave is this....he really needs you all to keep him in your prayers. The Atrial Fib can cause a massive stroke, and since we aren't able to do anything about it right now, he's walking a very slippery slope.
Sorry this blog has been full of not good news, but it is what it is. There's no way to sugar coat it, sorry.
Anyway, thanks for reading, post a comment if you want, but most important, keep Dave in your prayers. See ya next time in the blogosphere! Love you all!
Di
Sorry this blog has been full of not good news, but it is what it is. There's no way to sugar coat it, sorry.
Anyway, thanks for reading, post a comment if you want, but most important, keep Dave in your prayers. See ya next time in the blogosphere! Love you all!
Di
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)