Progressing....

Hi everyone! I hope this finds you all well. Things are sailing along at the Vails. Tomorrow (Sunday) we are celebrating our 3 birthdays with another family bbq. We've actually been having these bbq's every Sunday, all the kids and grandkids, for several weeks. It's becoming increasingly important to me to have the family around as much as possible. Although it tends to be a little hard on Dave with so many people there, he needs them. He usually sleeps through most of the afternoon, and I wake him up before dinner.

His memory is getting really frightful. He's been mixing the grandkids names up for several months, but now he can't come up with Steve or Matt's name, either. Everytime this happens, I feel like I've been punched in the stomach. It's just a blatant reminder of what this disease is doing to him. I HATE IT!!!!! I'm not sure how much longer he's going to know who I am. He knows that I'm his wife, but I'm not sure he could get my name every time.

Anyway, the importance of having the family around is as much for them as it is for Dave. 2 Sundays ago, after the first of the now standard Sunday family dinners, Steve's wife Debbie called me when they got home. She was crying. I asked her what was wrong, and she said "I had no idea how far Dave's Alzheimer's had progressed. It breaks my heart". When you only spend 5 or 10 minutes with him, how could you know? Then she asked "what are we going to do"? and I told her that honestly, I just don't know. We discussed her coming over during the week and spending time and making lunch for him, and she's more than willing to do that. As far as long term...I really don't know.

After his diagnosis, but before the Alzheimers really took over, we talked about what Dave wants for himself, and his wishes are very clear with me. I will do my best to honor them, but it will be difficult. That, however, is mine to keep, and I'm not comfortable sharing our conversations about the subject at this time. Thanks for understanding. I'm checking into Adult Day Care Centers, and am finding they are quite expensive. (averaging about $50 a day) Obviously I can't afford to send him every day, but I might be able to swing 1 or 2 days a week, I'm not sure.

I'm reading a book by Nancy Davis called "The Long Goodbye". If you've not heard of it, it's her and her mom's memories of what it was like living with Ronald Reagan after he was diagnosed with Alzheimers, and how they processed their pain and grief. Of course she glosses over much of the details, because who wants to read about changing the President of the United States diapers, right? Nancy Reagan coined the term 'the long goodbye' because that's what all of us with an Alzheimers loved one, do. When we got the Alzheimers diagnosis, we knew what the eventuality of the disease is. It's a terminal disease with no cure. Pretty cut and dried. The difference between Alz and cancer is, the doctors can pretty much gage your life expectancy with cancer. There's absolutely no way to do that with Alzheimers. Dave can languish in a near coma for years, as Ronald Reagan did. And there's the heart break.

On a happier note, all the grandkids are safely back in school for the 2009/2010 session. Dom of course started high school at St. Bonnie's (go Seraphs!), Rhiannon is in 6th grade and Joey is in 3rd, both at St. Anthony's, and Chris is in 1st and Dylan started kindergarten, both at Somis elementary. Believe it or not, they were all looking forward to going back to school. I guess it was a long, boring summer.

Well that's my story from the blogosphere, and I'm sticking to it. I wish you all continued health, happiness and much love! Thanks for stopping by, post a comment if you like! Love you all!